Humilty & Something More Toxic

You always do this. You always fail. You’re a horrible person.   

Statics show people who are verbally abused or bullied can share some similar effects like anxiety, depression, substance abuse, mental health problems, and suicide.

As a society we’ve become better educated about relationships that are unhealthy. But toxic relationships can be harder to recognize when you’re the one in them.

Especially if the toxic relationship is with yourself.

No one is perfect.  Everyone makes mistakes. When that happens, humility is healthy. It’s right to recognize I’m wrong, seek forgiveness, and make changes.

But in those areas where I repeatedly fail, I begin to say things to myself that aren’t humility.  They’re something more…toxic.

And it doesn’t even work.  Instead of living as a conqueror (Rom. 8:37), I’m feeling defeated and still struggling with the same things.

There’s probably a reason that happens.

In an article on pureintamacy.org, Steven Earll wrote: “All addictions have a strong component of self-destruction…When an addict feels self-hate they will often indulge in the same addictive actions to quiet the shame. This results in more self-destructive behavior and increased shame…After a period of time indulging in self-hate, the addicted person will want to feel good. The need to escape the hate will lead to fantasy, which begins anew the addictive cycle.”                                         (My emphasis added.)

Not all struggles are as obvious or severe as something like substance abuse.  But even if we’re successful in other areas, we can still feel like failures in bad cycles of thoughts or behavior.  And the longer we’re unable to break those cycles, the more we lose respect for ourselves.

So, I’m trying something new. When tempted to do something that I’ll hate and bully myself for later, I’m learning to pause and remind myself something first.

Stop loathing yourself.  

“Be careful how you are talking to yourself

because you are listening.”

– Lisa M. Hayes

Stopping that negative dialogue doesn’t fill me with pride. Self-hatred and pride are just 2 sides of the same coin – both centered around me without God.

Is there something you say to yourself in moments of failure that you wouldn’t say to others because, even if it’s true, it would harm more than help?  Sometimes we harm ourselves more than we help, and then we can’t understand why we don’t have the strength to change.

“You must learn a new way to think

before you can master a new way to be.”

-Marianne Williamson

True humility produces confidence from the right places.  It can face past failures and still hope for a better future.  It says “I can do all things through Christ” (Phil. 4:13) because “with God all things are possible” (Mk. 10:27).

And when we really start believing those things, we can take those first fragile steps toward real change.

“in all these things we are more than conquerors

through him that loved us.”

(Rom. 8:37)

Advertisements

Connecting

Hey, everyone,

I wanted to write a little about connecting since I’m still trying to get the hang of this blogging thing.

 

 

Social Media

I finally got my sidebar figured out. If you’d like to find me on Instagram, Twitter or Pinterest, my links are to the right.

 

Blog

I try to blog every other week (usually a Tuesday).

If you’re not already following, there is an option on my sidebar now to do so. If you are already following, thank you.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

-Aubri

 

 

Introducing Myself

I’m new to blogging, so it’s been brought to my attention I should introduce myself.

 

Who Am I?

My name is Aubri.

I’m currently in my 30’s. Family is my life.  I’m a wife and mom of one son.

I’m from Florida, so it’s no surprise I love the beach, seafood, and sunshine.  I also enjoy cooking.

 

What Do I Write About?

Jesus.

Like many others, I have been burned by bad versions of Christianity. So my life has become a journey to study the true life, love, and teachings of Jesus. I write a lot about that.

However, I believe most of our struggles have universal themes. So, I usually approach things we all deal with as human beings on planet Earth.  Even if you don’t believe in Jesus, I think we can still relate to each other.

 

Who Do I Want to Connect With?

Other women will be the most likely to relate to my writing. However, my goal is to write in a way that helps anyone, male or female.

Not everyone agrees with all I write about, but I appreciate the time they give to visit my blog and social media accounts.

Whenever possible, I treat feedback with appreciation and respect.

Mostly I love connecting with people who are struggling in the same ways I do, so I try to write to them.

 

 

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog. I hope you’ll come back again.

 

Love,

Aubri

 

Why I Need to Stop Being Honest

I’m going to give them a piece of my mind.

Most of us have heard or even used this saying. The wording is certainly accurate.

When we speak, we give away pieces of ourselves.

By turning our thoughts into words, we share some of who we really are. We open a window to our soul and let someone see inside. But it’s even more than that. Because with that kind of honesty, we usually form some kind of connection to another soul.

And when that happens, it’s powerful.

Like most kinds of power, honest soul connections can be used in good or bad ways (Prov. 18:21). But recently I was flooded with feelings so powerful, I felt almost forced to say things I knew would do more harm than good.

So, honesty started to feel like a trap.

A little light finally peaked into my closed mind, and I had to ask if honesty is enough.  And it just isn’t.

I realized it’s time to stop telling myself

what I am really thinking and feeling

and start asking myself

what I should be thinking and feeling. 

I’m not saying life won’t ever put us in situations that require painful conversations.

Sometimes the truth hurts.

But it should never harm. 

So, my honesty should have to pass some tests before my thoughts become words.

“Am I trying to prove that I’m right,

or improve the relationship?”

-Lysa TerKeurst, Unglued

Philippians says to think on things that are “true” and “honest” (4:8).  Not only are those words separated, but “true” is put first. I can understand why.

I know it’s important to put Gods truths in front of my honesty.

They teach me wisdom and patience and kindness and love that my honesty might lack. And I need those things to be my honest truths. Because everything and everyone in my life desperately needs His thoughts and ways more than mine.

So I don’t want to just be honest. I want to speak and act on truth.

“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free”

-Jesus   

(John 8:32)